Keeping Families Connected
Resources for families dealing with high conflict divorce and parental alienation
Parental alienation resources to help
If you need to understand what's really happening, and more importantly what you can do about it read this book.
What you don't know could
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Learn the single most effective strategy
to communicate with your child even if you have little or no
contact with them.
If you're reading these words, you're
probably experiencing the indescribable pain of Parental
Alienation. Being alienated from children that you love is
one of the most painful experiences that a parent can ever be
subjected to. I am so sorry that both you and your children are
experiencing such a brutal form of abuse.
There are numerous sites that deal with the subject of parental alienation or parental alienation syndrome. Most of those sites belong to doctors, counselors or attorneys. They share facts, information and tools, but most of them haven’t lived through the life changing pain and heartache of a parent that has lost their children’s love and respect because of the agenda of a malicious ex-spouse.
I was in an extremely difficult marriage for 11 ½ years. Two years after my divorce I went through a horrible custody battle. What happened during that time was so surreal that even now it's hard to believe that it really occurred.
I have experienced firsthand what a vengeful ex-spouse is capable of doing to you and their own children in order to achieve their goals. I have lived through the injustice of a corrupt and inept court system that gives lip service to what is "in the best interest of the children”, while at the same time destroying your family. I've experienced the pain of being rejected and disrespected by children that once loved and respected me. I've dealt with industry professionals (psychologists) that meant well, but were unable to reverse the psychological and emotional damage they assessed had been inflicted on my children by the children’s mother and the family court system.
Some of you may not be familiar with the terms "parental alienation" or “parental alienation syndrome”. I had never heard of either term. I had no idea what a “targeted parent” or “alienating parent” was. I have since come to find out that using alienation tactics against an ex-spouse can be very common in divorce and child custody cases.
When I was in the midst of my custody battle, family and friends were very supportive but they just couldn't comprehend how bad things were with my ex and especially in court. None of them thought that the outcome I eventually faced could ever be possible. One of the most difficult tasks I had was getting them to believe what my ex or the judge had said or done and gotten away with it. They were incredulous that my ex could be so evil or that our court system could be so blind, corrupt or inept. It was beyond comprehension.
If you aren't sure how to explain what's happening to your friends and relatives I highly recommend reading a book I've written called Parental Alienation after Divorce – Child Abuse or Hype? It's a great resource to help you and those around you to understand the authenticity and impact of parental alienation, and how an alienator can use the family court system to further their agenda.
This site exists, to help families like yours obtain all of the resources available, to deal with every aspect of high conflict divorce and Parental Alienation's deadly poison.
Parental Alienation - The Ultimate Hate Crime
Please watch this short video to see what Parental Alienation looks like. Afterward, you will learn ways to combat this devastating form of child abuse.
The two boys you see in the video are my sons. I've been separated from them since February of 1999. My boys were ages 4 and 7 at the time they were taken from me.
I can assure you that if you and your children are being subjected to severe parental alienation tactics you'll be forced to deal with several important emotions. Depending on how bad things get, you'll be shocked, disillusioned, grief-stricken and angrier than you ever imagined possible. And if you don't take the steps to positively and proactively work through these emotions they'll eat you alive. They will poison and contaminate every area of your life.
I've written a blog post on "Surviving the Pain of Parental Alienation" that should prove helpful in dealing with those emotions. I suggest that you review it as soon as possible if you are struggling with any of those emotions.
If you are feeling totally isolated and that no one understands what you're going through go to the "You are not alone" section of this site. You'll find my story, stories from around the world and videos of other parents that felt the same way.
If you're in the middle of a divorce or custody issue after a divorce you need to read "Fatal Divorce Mistakes". I know the name implies that it's for only for divorce but the book deals with many important issues including custody and parental alienation issues that can happen long after the official divorce!
If you need legal, medical, support groups, emotional or spiritual resources got to the "Parental Alienation Resources" section of this site.
Regardless of the reason you arrived at this site I want to assure you of several things:
Keeping Families Connected is committed to providing you with resources and strategies to help you deal with (and heal from) the abuse of Parental Alienation and high conflict divorce.
We will help, encourage and guide you with tools, resources and real life examples of how to best accomplish this goal for your specific situation.
You will find resources to deal with family law issues within the family court system. Learn how to deal with child custody and shared parenting issues. Learn how to deal with legal issues such as domestic violence, sexual abuse or mental health accusations from the alienating parent of your children.
Find out the difference between Parental Aleination and Parental Alienation Syndrome. Discover if those differences have any meaning outside of the family law or mental health fields.
Find out how the alienating parent can use the family law court system to win custody of the children from a targeted parent. Learn strategies to protect yourself from the abuse and violence from an alienating parent.
We will also provide you with resources to deal with personal issues that are common to being separated from your children such as: grief, anger, etc. The effects of a terrible divorce including parental alienation can be crushing to the targeted parent as well as the children subjected to this type of abuse.
We will constantly encourage you to take the higher road. We encourage parents not to give in to anger and bitterness even when someone has engaged in the use of alienation tactics against both you and your children. (If you retaliate with the same tactics, you become no better than the alienating parent!) That is not to imply that you should just remain passive and become a doormat either. But being the "healthy and responsible" parent takes work and great self-restraint at times.
Doing what is best for our children is much more than words. Many alienating parents swear that what they are doing is to "protect" the children from an abusive or neglectful ex-spouse. In realty, it's just a way to hurt, control and manipulate their ex and brainwash their children to "love" them and "hate" the other parent.
"Alienators do not fit the
stereotype of the deficient and ill-equipment parent.
Instead, these parents are generally articulate,
resourceful, and competent in all other aspects of their
lives – except in the realm of parenting. In fact, these
individuals might easily be mistaken for ideal parents,
except to the properly informed, because they profess love
and concern for their children. What sets these individuals
apart from other dysfunctional parents is their overwhelming
commitment to meeting their own needs first. In doing so,
they destroy the relationship their children have with the
other parent – at whatever cost.” Dr. Reena Sommer
Learn how to identify, understand and combat the tactics and effects of PAS. Find help for healing children and parents affected by this abuse. An extensive list of tools and resources is available. Go to our "Information" and "Resources" tabs for more information on this topic.
High Conflict Divorce
Learn principles to make the best of a tragic situation, and keep your children and yourself from being destroyed in the process. We have resources that deal with the legal, financial and,emotional on our Professional Services page. Additionally we have resources on parenting and other practical issues that are a part of the divorce process. Go to our Suggested Resource Materials page for more information.
Family Court &
Child Custody Cases
One of the reasons I wrote Fatal Divorce Mistakes was to give you concrete action steps to implement, that will give the best chance of successfully navigating through the dangerous and costly waters of the family court system. This isn’t just a bunch of “techniques” or “strategies” to be used in court, although many are contained in this book. This is about a mind-set and perspective that is needed to understand yourself, your ex, and the family court process. Along with excellent information to help you achieve the goal of protecting you and your family from irreparable harm.
Uncover the real motives behind this organization before it's too late. Most people are totally unprepared to deal with the “family law” legal system that is financially motivated to destroy families. DO NOT take this warning lightly because you think that you have certain inalienable rights in this country. Nothing could be further from the truth!
Find family law attorneys that are capable and compassionate and can help you navigate these shark infested waters. You will find resources to deal with family law issues within the family court system. Learn how to deal with child custody and shared parenting issues. Learn how to deal with legal issues such as domestic violence, sexual abuse or mental health accusations from the alienating parent of your children.
Create a Website for Your Child:
Keeping connected when you've lost (or are losing) contact with your children
In researching ways that I might help my sons after we were separated, I read Dr. Richard Warshak's book "Divorce Poison". On page 286 he suggests putting up a website for your children. In 2004 I established a website in their honor exclusively for my children at (www.nischalke.com). Following this advice has proved to be both rewarding and healing for me in many ways. I can only imagine the healing and comfort it will bring to my sons.
We put our site up live in August of 2004. According to my ex-wife, my sons found the site one year later in June of 2005. It was a great comfort to know that my children had discovered their site.
If you are at the point where you are physically separated from your children, we would highly recommend building a website to communicate with them.
Building a site for your children will allow you to convey your ongoing love and commitment to them. Share your thoughts and feelings about your situation. Post information about important events in your life and theirs. Share your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about life, faith, choosing friends, dating and marriage etc. If you would like detailed step by step instructions to guide you through the process of building a site for your children, please go to our Create a Website for Your Child page.
Emotional Baggage - Grief and Anger
Find help for dealing with the issues and emotions that surround the stress, pain and devastation this type of "battle-zone" in the family courts and your family can bring into your life.
Find strength, healing, and forgiveness in the darkest of times. Don't just deal with the symptoms and effects of a sinful world, find out where God is in all of this. Is there really a plan? Are you included? Is He really still in control? Is there justice anywhere? How will it all end someday?
Find tools to build a lasting and fulfilling marriage. The last thing you want is to end up divorced a second time! Learn from the past and build into the future.
If you thought the first time around was difficult, wait until you try to blend two different families with children. It is hard work at best, but worth the price by far. The more tools you have for this one, the better off everyone in your family will be.
Educating Friends & Family
Many targeted parents find that very few people around them understand or believe the things that you share with them about your ex-spouse or the "family court" system. They can't even conceive of the astronomical costs and legal fees associated with alienation tactics. Very few parents can even comprehend that any parent would ever be capable of abusing their own child in such a malicious way.
story" to better understand why we have
gathered the resources that are on this site. Go to "Contact us" if
we can help in any way. My wife and I are also available for
scheduled speaking engagements upon request.
I would highly recommend book-marking this site for quick access to these resources. Remember to sign-up for our newsletter for important updates and the newest resources available.
If you know of another parent (or child) that has been subjected to parental alienation, please send them to this site for these resources. Divorce is never easy. But cases involving children, child custody issues and this form of child abuse are heartbreaking for everyone involved. We are here to help. You are not alone!