Parental Alienation - Keeping Families Connected

Life changing parental alienation resources to help families survive divorce and PAS

If you're reading these words, you are probably experiencing the indescribable pain of being alienated from children that you love deeply. I am so sorry that both you and your children have been subjected to such a brutal form of abuse. The entire reason that this site exists, is to bring hope and healing to you and your children. Although there a number of sites that deal with the subject of parental alienation or parental alienation syndrome, most of those sites belong to doctors, counselors or attorneys. They share facts, information and tools to assist others, but most of them haven’t lived through the life changing pain and heartache of a parent that has lost their children’s love and respect because of the malicious behavior of an ex-spouse. I am a parent that shares your journey of pain and heartache. But I am also a survivor of that pain, and I can assure you that I have learned some things along the way that can help you in your own journey. This site is filled with a plethora of quality resources that can change your life forever if you will invest the time to utilize them.

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I have been subjected to the horror of experiencing what a controlling and vengeful ex-spouse is capable of doing to you and their own children, in order to achieve their goals. I have experienced the injustice of a corrupt and inept court system which gives lip service to what is in the “best interest of the children”, while at the same time destroying your family. I have experienced the pain of being rejected and disrespected by children that once loved and respected me. I have dealt with industry professionals (psychologists) that have meant well, but were unable to reverse the psychological and emotional damage they assessed had been inflicted on my children by the children’s mother and the family court system.

Some of you may not even be familiar with the terms "parental alienation" or “parental alienation syndrome”, or the tactics used to achieve such an abusive goal. I had never heard of either term. I had no idea what a “targeted parent” or “alienating parent” was, or that PAS even existed. I have since come to find out that these tactics can be very common in divorce and child custody cases.

"Parental Alienation is about parents who place their own selfish needs above those of their defenseless children and in doing so, they deny them their right to love and be loved by both parents.”    Dr. Reena Sommer

This site exists, to help families like yours obtain all of the resources available, to deal with every aspect of Parental Alienation's deadly poison. One of the greatest tools we've made available is to show you how to set up a website to communicate with children you have been separated from because of Parental Alienation Syndrome. You will learn more about the specifics as you continue reading.

Please check this site frequently for the most current information and developments on this topic. We will make every effort to bring you the latest pertinent psychological, medical, and legal findings, along with tools to help, as they become available. You are not alone in this battle or your pain…

My wife & I are just two of many who will stand beside you to help you keep, or win back, the love and respect of your children. I am a loving and capable father that has been separated from my children since February of 1999. My boys were ages 4 and 7 at the time they were taken from me.

Parental Alienation - The Ultimate Hate Crime

Please watch this short video to see what Parental Alienation is, and how it can be used to destroy families and children. Afterward, you will learn ways to combat this devastating form of child abuse. Please play the video now.  Depending on your circumstances, you are probably a grief-stricken, confused and angry parent. You may have lost a child after a divorce when your ex-spouse relocated to another state or country with your children (with or without the family court's permission). Have an ex-spouse that has intentionally and aggressively embarked on a campaign to remove you (the “target parent”) completely from your children's lives. You probably never even conceived that someone could be so vicious. If I have described you and your situation in the lines above, no explanation is necessary of how devastating and life-changing losing a relationship with a child you love can be. If you have not experienced being torn from children you love, then no explanation could even come close to describing the utter hopelessness and pain that a child and a targeted parent who are separated from each other go through. Sometimes the only way you know you're alive is the pain…

Regardless of the reason you arrived at this site I want to assure you of several things:

• Keeping Families Connected is committed to providing you with resources and strategies to help you deal with (and heal from) the abuse of Parental Alienation.

• We will help, encourage and guide you with tools, resources and real life examples of how to best accomplish this goal for your specific situation.

• You will find resources to deal with family law issues within the family court system. Learn how to deal with child custody and shared parenting issues. Learn how to deal with legal issues such as domestic violence, sexual abuse or mental health accusations from the alienating parent of your children.

• Find out the difference between PA and PAS. Discover if those differences have any meaning outside of the family law or mental health fields.

• Find out how the alienating parent can use the family law court system to win custody of the children from a targeted parent. Learn strategies to protect yourself from the abuse and violence from an alienating parent.

• We will also provide you with resources to deal with personal issues that are common to being separated from your children such as: grief, anger, etc. The effects of a terrible divorce including parental alienation can be crushing to the targeted parent as well as the children subjected to this type of abuse.

• We will constantly encourage you to take the higher road. We encourage parents not to give in to anger and bitterness even when someone has engaged in the use of alienation tactics against both you and your children. (If you retaliate with the same tactics, you become no better than the alienating parent!) That is not to imply that you should just remain passive and become a doormat either. But being the "healthy and responsible" parent takes work and great self-restraint at times. 

Doing what is best for our children is much more than words. Many alienating parents swear that what they are doing is to "protect" the children from an abusive or neglectful ex-spouse. In realty, it's just a way to hurt, control and manipulate their ex and brainwash their children to "love" them and "hate" the other parent.

"Alienators do not fit the stereotype of the deficient and ill-equipment parent. Instead, these parents are generally articulate, resourceful, and competent in all other aspects of their lives – except in the realm of parenting. In fact, these individuals might easily be mistaken for ideal parents, except to the properly informed, because they profess love and concern for their children. What sets these individuals apart from other dysfunctional parents is their overwhelming commitment to meeting their own needs first. In doing so, they destroy the relationship their children have with the other parent – at whatever cost.” Dr. Reena Sommer

 

The resources on this site address the following:

Parental Alienation
Learn how to identify, understand and combat the tactics and effects of PAS. Find help for healing children and parents affected by this abuse. An extensive list of tools and resources is available. Go to our "Information" and "Resources" tabs for more information on this topic.

Divorce
Learn principles to make the best of a tragic situation, and keep your children and yourself from being destroyed in the process. We have resources that deal with the legal, parenting, emotional and other practical issues that are a part of the divorce process. Go to our Suggested Reading Materials page for more information.

Family Court
Uncover the real motives behind this organization before it's too late. Most people are totally unprepared to deal with the “family law” legal system that is financially motivated to destroy families. DO NOT take this warning lightly because you think that you have certain inalienable rights in this country. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Find compassionate and capable family law firms and attorneys that can and will help you navigate these shark infested waters. You will find resources to deal with family law issues within the family court system. Learn how to deal with child custody and shared parenting issues. Learn how to deal with legal issues such as domestic violence, sexual abuse or mental health accusations from the alienating parent of your children.

Keeping Families Connected - after separation
In researching ways that I might help my sons after we were separated, I read Dr. Richard Warshak's book "Divorce Poison". On page 286 he suggests putting up a website for your children. In 2004 I established a website in their honor exclusively for my children at (www.nischalke.com). Following this advice has proved to be both rewarding and healing for me in many ways. I can only imagine the healing and comfort it will bring to my sons.

We put our site up live in August of 2004. According to my ex-wife, my sons found the site one year later in June of 2005. Although my ex-wife expressed her "extreme displeasure" at this discovery, it comforted me greatly to know that my children had discovered their site.

If you are at the point where you are physically separated from your children, we would highly recommend building a website to communicate with them.

Building a site for your children will allow you to convey your ongoing love and commitment to them. Share your thoughts and feelings about your situation. Post information about important events in your life and theirs. Share your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about life, faith, choosing friends, dating and marriage etc.

We will guide you step by step through the process of building a site for your child or children.

Emotional Baggage - Grief and Anger
Find help for dealing with the issues and emotions that surround the stress, pain and devastation this type of "battle-zone" in the family courts and your family can bring into your life.

Spiritual
Find strength, healing, and forgiveness in the darkest of times. Don't just deal with the symptoms and effects of a sinful world, find out where God is in all of this. Is there really a plan? Are you included? Is He really still in control? Is there justice anywhere? How will it all end someday?

Marriage
Find tools to build a lasting and fulfilling marriage. The last thing you want is to end up divorced a second time! Learn from the past and build into the future.

Blending Families
If you thought the first time around was difficult, wait until you try to blend two different families with children. It is hard work at best, but worth the price by far. The more tools you have for this one, the better off everyone in your family will be.

Educating Friends & Family
Many targeted parents find that very few people around them understand or believe the things that you share with them about your ex-spouse or the "family court" system. They can't even conceive of the astronomical costs and legal fees associated with alienation tactics. Very few parents can even comprehend that any parent would ever be capable of abusing their own child in such a malicious way.

Read "our story" to better understand why we have gathered the resources that are on this site. Go to "Contact us" if we can help in any way. My wife and I are also available for scheduled speaking engagements upon request.

I would highly recommend book-marking this site for quick access to these resources. Remember to sign-up for our newsletter for important updates and the newest resources available.

If you know of another parent (or child) that has been subjected to parental alienation, please send them to this site for these resources. Divorce is never easy. But cases involving children, child custody issues and this form of child abuse are heartbreaking for everyone involved. We are here to help. You are not alone!