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Keeping Families Connected

 Resources for families dealing with high conflict divorce and parental alienation

Parental alienation resources to help families
survive high conflict divorce and child custody cases

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Parental Alienation - Child Abuse or Hype

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Experiencing parental alienation is horrible!

But how does it feel when you try to convey the danger and severity of what's happening to you and your children to those around you, and they have a hard time believing it could possibly be as bad as you say?

Do others tell you (or just silently believe) that no sane or loving parent would ever do or say the things you're telling them that your spouse (or ex-spouse) is doing? Or that the uncaring or prejudiced judge you have is an isolated case? That the court system can't possibly be that blind and biased? Do they really understand just how much damage this could do to your children?

This book was designed for parents and children experiencing PA to be used as a resource to share with family, friends and professionals (counselors, pastors, attorneys, etc.) that have difficulty understanding the danger and severity of what you're going through. Educating others is the first step in getting their help to fight this insidious form of child abuse.

If you're reading these words, you're probably experiencing the indescribable pain of Parental Alienation. Being alienated from children that you love is one of the most painful experiences that a parent can ever be subjected to. I'm sorry that both you and your children are experiencing such a brutal form of abuse. I'm a father that was in an extremely difficult marriage for 11 ½ years. Two years after my divorce I went through a horrible custody battle. What happened during that time was so surreal that even now it's hard to believe that it really occurred. There are numerous sites that deal with the subject of parental alienation. Most of those sites belong to doctors, counselors or attorneys. They share facts, information and tools, but most of them haven’t lived through the life changing pain and heartache of a parent that has lost their children’s love and respect because of the agenda of a malicious ex-spouse. I've experienced firsthand what a vengeful ex-spouse is capable of doing to you and their own children in order to achieve their goals. I've lived through the injustice of a corrupt and inept court system that gives lip service to what's "in the best interest of the children”, while at the same time destroying your family. I've experienced the pain of being rejected and disrespected by children that once loved and respected me. I've dealt with industry professionals (psychologists) that meant well, but were unable to reverse the psychological and emotional damage they assessed had been inflicted on my children by the children’s mother and the family court system.

"Parental Alienation is about parents who place their own selfish needs above those of their defenseless children and in doing so, they deny them their right to love and be loved by both parents.” Dr. Reena Sommer

When I was in the midst of my custody battle, family and friends were very supportive but they just couldn't comprehend how bad things were with my ex and especially in court. None of them thought that the outcome I eventually faced could ever be possible.

One of the most difficult tasks I had was conveying the extraordinary scope of what my ex or the judge had said or done and gotten away with. They were incredulous that my ex could be so evil or that our court system could be so blind, corrupt or inept. It was beyond comprehension. That experience compelled me to write the following book.

If you aren't sure how to explain what's happening to your friends and relatives, or if you just need validation of what you're going through, I highly recommend having them read Parental Alienation after Divorce – Child Abuse or Hype? It's a great resource to help you and those around you to understand the reality of the destructive impact that parental alienation can have on your children.

This site exists, to help families like yours obtain all of the resources available, to deal with every aspect of high conflict divorce and Parental Alienation's deadly poison.




Parental Alienation - The Ultimate Hate Crime

 

Please watch this short video to see what Parental Alienation looks like. Afterward, you will learn ways to combat this devastating form of child abuse.

Parental Alienation

The two boys you see in the video are my sons. I've been separated from them since February of 1999. My boys were ages 4 and 7 at the time we were pulled apart.

I can assure you that if you and your children are being subjected to severe parental alienation tactics you'll be forced to deal with several important emotions. Depending on how bad things get, you'll be shocked, disillusioned, grief-stricken and angrier than you ever imagined possible. And if you don't take the steps to positively and proactively work through these emotions they'll eat you alive. They will poison and contaminate every area of your life.

 

I've written a blog post on "Surviving the Pain of Parental Alienation" that should prove helpful in dealing with those emotions. I suggest that you review it as soon as possible if you are struggling with any of those emotions.

If you are feeling totally isolated and that no one understands what you're going through go to the "You are not alone" section of this site. You'll find my story, stories from around the world and videos of other parents that felt the same way.

If you need legal, medical, support groups, emotional or spiritual resources got to the "Parental Alienation Resources" section of this site.

Regardless of the reason you arrived at this site I want to assure you of several things:A targeted parent with his children

  • Keeping Families Connected is committed to providing you with resources and strategies to help you deal with (and heal from) the abuse of Parental Alienation and high conflict divorce.

  • We provide you with resources to deal with personal issues that are common to being separated from your children such as: grief, anger, etc. The effects of a terrible divorce including parental alienation can be crushing to the targeted parent as well as the children subjected to this type of abuse.

  • We will always encourage you to take the higher road. We encourage parents not to give in to anger and bitterness even when someone has engaged in the use of alienation tactics against both you and your children. (If you retaliate with the same tactics, you become no better than the alienating parent.) That is not to imply that you should just remain passive and become a doormat either. But being the "healthy and responsible" parent takes work and great self-restraint at times. 

Doing what is best for our children is much more than words. Many alienating parents swear that what they are doing is to "protect" the children from an abusive or neglectful ex-spouse. In realty, it's just a way to hurt, control and manipulate their ex and brainwash their children to "love" them and "hate" the other parent.

"Alienators do not fit the stereotype of the deficient and ill-equipment parent. Instead, these parents are generally articulate, resourceful, and competent in all other aspects of their lives – except in the realm of parenting. In fact, these individuals might easily be mistaken for ideal parents, except to the properly informed, because they profess love and concern for their children. What sets these individuals apart from other dysfunctional parents is their overwhelming commitment to meeting their own needs first. In doing so, they destroy the relationship their children have with the other parent – at whatever cost.” Dr. Reena Sommer

The resources on this site address the following:

Parental Alienation
Learn how to identify, understand and combat the tactics and effects of PAS. Find help for healing children and parents affected by this abuse. An extensive list of tools and resources is available. Go to our "Information" and "Resources" tabs for more information on this topic.

High Conflict Divorce
Learn principles to make the best of a tragic situation, and keep your children and yourself from being destroyed in the process. We have resources that deal with the legal, financial and, emotional on our Professional Services page. Additionally we have resources on parenting and other practical issues that are a part of the divorce process. Go to our Suggested Resource Materials page for more information.

Family Court & Child Custody Cases
Find family law attorneys that are capable and compassionate and can help you navigate these shark infested waters.Divorce Poison - parental alienation explained

Create a Website for Your Child:
Keeping connected when you've lost (or are losing) contact with your children

In researching ways that I might help my sons after we were separated, I read Dr. Richard Warshak's book "Divorce Poison". On page 286 he suggests putting up a website for your children. Following this advice has proved to be both rewarding and healing for me in many ways.

If you are at the point where you are physically separated from your children, we would highly recommend building a website to communicate with them.

Emotional Baggage - Grief and Anger
Find help for dealing with the issues and emotions that surround the stress, pain and devastation this type of "battle" can bring into your life.

Spiritual
Find strength, healing, and forgiveness in the darkest of times. Don't just deal with the symptoms and effects of a sinful world, find out where God is in all of this. Is there really a plan? Are you included? Is He really still in control? Is there justice anywhere? How will it all end someday?

Marriage
Find tools to build a lasting and fulfilling marriage. The last thing you want is to end up divorced a second time! Learn from the past and build into the future.

Blending Families
If you thought the first time around was difficult, wait until you try to blend two different families with children. It is hard work at best, but worth the price by far. The more tools you have for this one, the better off everyone in your family will be.

Educating Friends & Family
Many targeted parents find that very few people around them understand or believe the incredulous things that you share with them about your ex-spouse or the family court system. They can't even conceive of the astronomical costs and legal fees associated with alienation tactics. Very few parents can even comprehend that any parent would ever be capable of abusing their own child in such a malicious way.

If you know of another parent (or child) that has been subjected to parental alienation, please send them to this site for these resources. Divorce is never easy. But cases involving children, child custody issues and this form of child abuse are heartbreaking for everyone involved. We are here to help. You are not alone!