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Mild
Parental Alienation: Parents who lose
control, make negative comments or exhibit negative
behavior towards the other parent in front of the
child, but feel bad about it later. Most parents
going through a divorce engage in this level of
Parental Alienation at some point. But they
recognize they are wrong, worry about the effects on
the child (or children), and take steps to stop
inappropriate actions directed at the other parent.
They understand that their child needs to have a
healthy and loving relationship with both of their
parents, to have the best chance of developing into
a healthy adult someday. These parents rarely use
the family court system to control or attack the
other parent, and are rarely involved in starting a
child custody battle.
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Moderate
Parental Alienation: These parents are
similar to the first parent in that for the most
part they mean well. They also understand that their
child needs to have a healthy and loving
relationship with the other parent in order to
develop in a healthy way. Where they differ is, they
believe that the relationship with the other parent
should never cost them anything, interfere with or
inconvenience their life. These parents operate in
the emotional, selfish realm, and are very
defensive. They have a hard time controlling their
emotions and take everything personally.
During periods of emotional turmoil or disagreement
they mount an explosive and possibly even a violent
attack on the other parent. The gloves are off and
they will do anything to win. They continue to
attack as long as they perceive there is a threat to
their image, their selfish actions or the control
they have over others. These parents are very
willing to use the family court system during a
child custody battle to achieve
their goals of control and retribution over the
“targeted parent” whenever necessary to “win” a
battle or prove a point. When the threat disappears,
the alienating tactics subside. While they may not
encourage the child to have a relationship with the
other parent, they aren't actively sabotaging the
relationship either. That is, until the next
perceived threat and then the cycle repeats itself.
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Severe
Parental Alienation: These parents have one
mission, to aggressively and viciously attack and
destroy the previously healthy and loving
relationship that their children have with the other
parent. During a separation and the ensuing divorce,
the other parent almost always becomes a bitter
enemy in the mind of the alienating parent. They
must “win” at all costs. They resent and get violent
(verbally and many times physically) with anyone
that sets healthy boundaries with them in their
quest for dominance and control over the other
parent. All of which can lead to a long and bitter
child custody battle which is never ending.
In many cases, there is a history of severe
psychological problems and agitations before the
alienation tactics are ever employed. Many times
these individuals suffer from some type of mental
illness. The alienator perceives and portrays
themselves as the victim. They are obsessed,
consumed and driven, by the goal of destroying the
“target parent” in the eyes of the child (or
children). They enroll family, friends, co-workers,
neighbors, schools, churches, police, and the courts
in their quest to remove the target parent from
their child's life. They constantly create
opportunities, to reinforce their agenda to
manipulate the children into believing their false
realities. Anyone that might support a realistic and
positive view of the "targeted parent" is cut off
from the child's life. They also remove any evidence
of positive interaction with the child and the other
parent, in an effort to complete the brainwashing
process, such as pictures, cards, presents etc. If
they ever feel guilty, they dismiss that guilt with
statements like "I know what's best for my child" or
"I'm just protecting them from abuse or negligence".
The child is both a weapon to be used against the
other parent and a tool to make them feel
emotionally complete. They are so consumed with
themselves, their hatred, and the need to control,
that they are only interested in their own needs.
They refuse to see the pain and destruction they are
causing in the life of their child. Even after the
alienation is complete, a severe alienator will
often continue to use the child and the courts to
further their revenge on the targeted parent with
excessive litigation, unnecessary bills and
continued accusations of both physical and sexual
abuse. Often they are not satisfied until they see
the complete destruction of the other parent both
emotionally and financially. They need the other
parent branded as an "abuser" in order to feel good
about themselves and their actions. These people are
in desperate need of professional psychological help
and extensive therapy. Although most will never get
the help they need unless it is court ordered, which
is rare indeed.
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