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Parental Alienation - Tangible Suggestions
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Because of our personal experience with parental alienation, being a targeted parent and losing our children in a horrible divorce and custody battle we have complied a short list of tangible suggestions to help you help the people you love that are being viciously attacked by this form of abuse. You can make a difference in their lives!
One of our greatest challenges during the process of losing my sons was feeling very isolated and alone at times. After years of court battles and constant drama some of our closest friends became tired of our struggles and started to drift away. We didn't blame them! We wished desperately that we could drift away for a while ourselves...
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PLEASE stay connected with this person. This can be hard at times because they are in such intense pain. They are grieving a loss similar to a death, except this continues every day for them. You often don't know how to help or what to say so it's easy to start avoiding them.
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If you know someone who is being alienated from their children, the greatest gift that you can give them is the gift of your constant love, support and prayers.
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Do what you can to help financially. In our case we had 4 years of court motions and hearings to defend ourselves against. At the end of that time the attorneys fees alone totaled nearly $150,000. There were many times that we didn't know where our next meal was coming from or how we would put gas in the car to get to work. Good thing God did. We would never have made it without the financial help from family and friends.
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Help put together a website for the alienated child. It is healing for all involved in the process. When the alienated child finds the site they will know that they are and always have been loved.
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If you have the ability to contact the children, let them know that they are loved by the targeted parent. Remind them of stories and events that will trigger positive memories. Give them the website address so they can see the site for themselves.
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Give the child the coloring book "I wonder" from Color Away Pain (there is a link on our Suggested Reading Materials page, under the Children and Divorce section). This book is an awesome tool to help children understand that the targeted parent still loves them. (It made me cry when I read it - I think every counselor and psychologist should use this with alienated children.)
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Write letters to the children and give them to your family member or friend to post on their website.
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It may seem small - but on court dates (which in alienation cases are often many), offer to make a meal or take them out to dinner. Court days are grueling and they can use your love & support.
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On holidays - don't be afraid to bring up memories of the children. They are still apart of your lives. Give Father's Day, Mother's Day and Grandparent Day cards to the targeted parent, grandparent who has been alienated reminding them that they are a good parent or grandparent regardless of what the courts and the ex-spouse have said and done.
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Consider making a donation to a children's charity in honor of your grandchild, niece, nephew or family friend. This will help the children understand that just because you have been cut out of their lives that you still love and support them.
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Read the books on Parental Alienation. Find out all you can about this issue and then do what you can to help make a difference in the Family Court System. Write letters to the President, the Governor of your state, Senators, Congressmen at both the national and state levels urging them to pass laws making Parental Alienation a form of child abuse
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When you see someone you know alienating their children from another parent or using alienating tactics, please speak into their life and share how devastating to the children and selfish this type of behavior is. Don't be afraid to remind them that Parental Alienation is really just another form of child abuse. Suggest counseling to work through their problems, instead of a hate-filled campaign of Alienation.
If you have any additional ideas to help alienated children of divorce or a targeted parent through parental alienation and its affects, please send us a suggestion to add to this list. These tangible suggestions can be a life-line to those suffering from alienation tactics.
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