Parental Alienation - Keeping Families Connected

How to create a website to express your love to a child separated from you by parental alienation.

When parental alienation tactics are used to brainwash your child you need a unique approach to communicate your love to them.  This is why we strongly believe you should create a website for your alienated child.

Because the overwhelming majority of alienating parents are also the custodial parents, they have a distinct advantage over targeted parents in the lives of their children due to the sheer amount of hours they spend with their child.  It is fairly easy to brainwash the children into believing that they are the "good parent" and you are the "bad" if you aren't around to let your life and love show your children who you really are… Grandparents are especially vulnerable to these attacks because the alienating parent can't afford to allow anyone that might present the other parent in a positive light in the children's lives.

In researching ways that I might help my sons after we were separated, I read Dr. Richard Warshak's book "Divorce Poison". On page 286 he suggests putting up a website for your children. In 2004 I established a website in their honor exclusively for them. Following this advice has proved to be both rewarding and healing for me in many ways. I can only imagine the healing and comfort it will bring to my sons.

We put our site up live in August of 2004. According to my ex-wife, my sons found the site one year later in June of 2005. Although my ex-wife expressed her "extreme displeasure" at this discovery, it comforted me greatly to know that the boys had discovered their website. Through various monitoring tools we have been able to determine that the boys have visited the site quite regularly in the last year. Feel free to browse around our website for ideas.  (This embedded website is fully functional - you can look at my entire website by using the menu and scroll bars - If you would like to see it in the full screen version go to www.nischalke.com)

Site Benefits

• Convey your love and commitment to your children.

• Share your thoughts and feelings about your situation.

• Post information about important events in your life and theirs.

• Wish them Happy Birthday, send Christmas or other holiday greetings etc.

• Share you thoughts, feelings and beliefs about life, faith, choosing friends, dating and marriage etc.

• If your ex-spouse has told your children that you don't really care about them, or that you voluntarily walked away from them and it isn't true, then you will have verifiable proof of your efforts to stay in contact with them until they find or contact you.

• If your ex-spouse continuously tells everyone what a terrible person you are, and you don't attack them when you have the opportunity, eventually your children will notice. If they don't, someone else in their life (a girlfriend, boyfriend, coach or teacher might bring this to their attention).

• If you build this website for them today and don't see them until several years from now, they will have proof that they were always in your heart and prayers even though you couldn't be with them.

• In addition to the obvious blessing your children will receive when they find this website, you will receive healing each time you invest in this labor of love for them. It had that effect on me.

ALWAYS REMEMBER: This is about your children. This is not about a personal vendetta or revenge of any kind. We understand that many of you are angry because of what has happened to you and your children. We urge you to set it aside and concentrate on them.

Technical Stuff - Creating a PA Web Site for Your Child

First of all you need to get the technical stuff out of the way.

• Choose an web hosting provider. If you go to Google, Yahoo or Bing and do a search on web hosting you will find a ton of companies, the prices vary in cost. We have chosen to go with Bluehost (www.bluehost.com) - they are a Utah based company and provide good service at the mid price range. Their customer support is excellent so if you run into issues they are very helpful. Some providers offer a cookie cutter approach to web design. For some of you this will be a good thing but for others you will want a more custom approach.

• Once you have chosen an hosting provider. Choose a web name. Use a domain name that is searchable by Google, Yahoo or any of the other web search engines. We chose our last name because it is fairly unique. In addition, if the boys were doing a Google search on their name it would pop up. In our case this strategy worked extremely well. The more unique the name, the better the chance of getting that name. Examples: www.nischalke.com, www.nischalkeboys.com, www.nischalkefamily.com, www.ricknischalke.com. Your provider will be able to tell you the availability of the names you have chosen. Be aware that after you purchase your domain name it can take up to 72 hours for your name to become active.

• Many people are using the blog arenas for their web pages. Although they are easily created they are not searchable in the traditional sense. I know this is a debated topic in the SEO world but I can only share my experience with you. I have two different blogs and neither of them comes up when I do a search on my name even though my name is all over them.  The goal is for your web page to be found by your children. It is your job to make it as easy for them as possible - Why take the risk if it is not necessary.

• There are lots of web design software out there, some easier to use than others - you are going to have to chose one based upon your level of computer skill. An easy to use software that is very in expensive is Web Page Maker V2 (www.webpage-maker.com). Even an in experience user you can produce a professional looking web page fairly quickly. Additionally most of your hosting companies provide you with software to create your site.

Now that you have the ground work in place, let's talk about the actual web page.

• Provide the easiest and most convenient way for your children to contact you (cell phone, email, etc). If you are unable to provide direct contact information, direct them to someone you trust, like your parents, siblings or a trusted friend, and they can contact you for your children.

• Consider getting a toll free number that can be forwarded to your phone. This will help in two different ways. It will never cost your children anything to call you and it will appear on their phone bill as just a toll free call. (We pay $2.40 per month plus a per call charge). We use a company called Affordable Voice.

• Write your children letters and post them on your site. This is a great way to communicate and share your heart with them.

• Post pictures of you doing things with your kids. Often the alienating parent will tell them you were never active in their lives. If you don't have many pictures, ask family and friends for pictures. If you don't have a scanner take the photos to Kinkos, they can scan and put them on a disc for you.

• Pull out any cards or drawings you may have saved that they have given you over the years. These too will need to be scanned.

• Post letters or cards that speak highly of you from the other parent or professionals involved in your case (example: pastors, teachers, etc.).

• Have friends and family write their thoughts about who you are as a person and a parent. (I included cards from my wife and step-daughters on my son's site).

• Put together a list of your favorite memories. They need these memories to help erase the Parental Alienation tactics used against you. This also helps to trigger other good memories.

• Have your parents, siblings, or friends write letters to your children and post them on your web page.

• Videos are the current rage and are wonderful way to help you communicate your love. With today's technology you have the ability to create some awesome videos on a very low budget. We use a site called One True Media (www.onetruemedia.com) - a premium membership with them is only $3.99 per month and worth every penny.

• Remember your goal is to include your children in your life and do what you can to bridge the gap and help them heal.

• If you would like to look at our personal web site for our sons go to www.nischalke.com - feel free to use any of the ideas that we have incorporated into our site.

If you are a targeted parent of children that have been brainwashed by parental alienation tactics building a loving website for your child will help counter the effects of the alienating parent. They may be able to stop you from seeing your child but they can not stop you from expressing your love for them. Building a website for them is often the best (and sometimes the only) solution.