Keeping Families Connected
Resources for families dealing with high conflict divorce and parental alienation
How to create a website to express your love to a child separated from you by parental alienation.
When parental alienation tactics are used to brainwash your child you need a unique approach to communicate your love to them. This is why we strongly believe you should create a website for your alienated child.
Because the overwhelming majority of alienating parents are also the custodial parents, they have a distinct advantage over targeted parents in the lives of their children due to the sheer amount of hours they spend with their child. It is fairly easy to brainwash the children into believing that they are the "good parent" and you are the "bad" if you aren't around to let your life and love show your children who you really are… Grandparents are especially vulnerable to these attacks because the alienating parent can't afford to allow anyone that might present the other parent in a positive light in the children's lives.
We put our site up live in August of 2004. According to my ex-wife, my sons found the site one year later in June of 2005. Through various monitoring tools we have been able to determine that the boys have visited the site quite regularly in the last several year. Feel free to browse around our website for ideas for your child's site. (This embedded website is fully functional - you can look at my entire website by using the menu and scroll bars - If you would like to see it in the full screen version go to www.nischalke.com)
Convey your love and commitment to your children.
Share your thoughts and feelings about your situation.
Post information about important events in your life and theirs.
Wish them Happy Birthday, send Christmas or other holiday greetings etc.
Share you thoughts, feelings and beliefs about life, faith, choosing friends, dating and marriage etc.
If your ex-spouse has told your children that you don't really care about them, or that you voluntarily walked away from them and it isn't true, then you will have verifiable proof of your efforts to stay in contact with them until they find or contact you.
If your ex-spouse continuously tells everyone what a terrible person you are, and you don't attack them when you have the opportunity, eventually your children will notice. If they don't, someone else in their life (a girlfriend, boyfriend, coach or teacher might bring this to their attention).
If you build this website for them today and don't see them until several years from now, they will have proof that they were always in your heart and prayers even though you couldn't be with them.
In addition to the obvious blessing your children will receive when they find this website, you will receive healing each time you invest in this labor of love for them. It had that effect on me.
ALWAYS REMEMBER: This is about your children. This is not about a personal vendetta or revenge of any kind. We understand that many of you are angry because of what has happened to you and your children. We urge you to set it aside and concentrate on them.
First of all you need to get the technical stuff out of the way.
The first step is selecting the best domain
name and a hosting company for your website. Using a name that
your children (or their friends) might search for is crucial in
cases where you aren’t able to contact them directly. (Separate
para but not bullet pt) I chose a domain that contained my last
name because it is fairly unique. In addition, if the boys were
doing a Google search on their individual names it would pop up
as well. In our case this strategy worked extremely well. We
have been contacted by several of our sons’ friends through the
years because of this strategy. This gave us information about
them that we would never have had access to any other way.
The more unique the name, the better the chance of getting that name. Examples: www.nischalke.com, www.joshnischalke.com, www.nischalkefamily.com, www.ricknischalke.com. HostGator will be able to tell you the availability of the names you have chosen. Be aware that after you purchase your domain name it can take up to 72 hours for your name to become active.
We recommend HostGator for both domain selection and hosting. Choosing one source for both services keeps it simple and you don’t have to worry about transferring the domain to your hosting company later (which can be a real pain). They provide 24/7 phone, email and live chat customer service for their customers. They also have extensive training & tools to develop your site. This is a huge benefit if you don’t have experience with website development!
Disclosure: We will be compensated if you choose this hosting company using our link. There’s no additional cost to you by using our link. In fact, using our coupon code will give you a significant discount of 25% on their services. You will need a coupon code to receive this discount.
The coupon code is: familywebsite
Follow the instructions in this short video to get started on your website:
Now that you have the ground work in place, let's talk about the actual web page.
Hostgator has two different programs available to help you build your site Sitebuilder or WordPress. There are step by step tutorials for both programs on the Hostgator website. If you've never developed a website before we highly recommend using Sitebuilder. After you have purchased your domain and hosting you will need to get a Sitebuilder login to get started at the following link: https://secure.hostgator.com/sitebuilder.php.
We know this process can be overwhelming. But it will be so worth the investment of your time. Your first goal should be to pick a theme, put a title on your website (ie: Nischalke Family Website), post your contact information and a brief statement about why you put the site up. (go to our site for ideas) Try and do this first step within one week of getting started. Provide the easiest and most convenient way for your children to contact you (cell phone, email, Facebook, etc).
Consider getting a toll free number that can be forwarded to your phone while your children are younger. This will help in two different ways. It will never cost your children anything to call you and it will appear on their phone bill as just a toll free call. (We pay $13.00 per month plus a per call charge).
Once your contact info is up and a brief statement to your child. Take your time and plan your website. Decide what you want to tell your child? This may take time. Don't stress about it. Once your contact info is up they have the ability to reach out to you and that is the goal.
Keep the information that you put on the site age appropriate. We did not start adding any information about parental alienation until the boys were in their late teens and even then we used a staged approach so we wouldn’t overwhelm them. They need to know the truth, but if you try to share too much too quickly you will push them farther away.
Write your children letters and post them on your site. This is a great way to communicate and share your heart with them.
Post pictures of you doing things with your kids. Often the alienating parent will tell them you were never active in their lives. If you don't have many pictures, ask family and friends for pictures. If you don't have a scanner take the photos to Kinkos, they can scan and put them on a disc for you.
Pull out any cards or drawings you may have saved that they have given you over the years. These too will need to be scanned.
Post letters or cards that speak highly of you from the other parent or professionals involved in your case (example: pastors, teachers, etc.).
Have friends and family write their thoughts about who you are as a person and a parent. (I included cards from my wife and step-daughters on my son's site).
Put together a list of your favorite memories. They need these memories to help erase the Parental Alienation tactics used against you. This also helps to trigger other good memories.
Have your parents, siblings, or friends write letters to your children and post them on your web page.
Videos are the current rage and are wonderful way to help you communicate your love. With today's technology you have the ability to create some awesome videos on a very low budget. We use a site called One True Media (www.onetruemedia.com) - a premium membership with them is only $3.99 per month and worth every penny.
Remember your goal is to include your children in your life and do what you can to bridge the gap and help them heal.
If you would like to look at our personal web site for our sons go to www.nischalke.com - feel free to use any of the ideas that we have incorporated into our site.
If you are a targeted parent of children that have been brainwashed by parental alienation tactics building a loving website for your child will help counter the effects of the alienating parent. They may be able to stop you from seeing your child but they can not stop you from expressing your love for them. Building a website for them is often the best (and sometimes the only) solution.
We are looking for websites that you have created for your alienated children. We are committed to providing those going through parental alienation the very best resources. If you would like to submit your website for possible inclusion on our site please send us an email with the URL.