Parental Alienation Update

by Rick Nischalke on July 30, 2013

If you’ve read the “Our Story” section of our Keeping Families Connected site, then you already know that I have personally experienced the intense pain, rejection, hopelessness and anger that a targeted parent of Parental Alienation experiences. There are many causes of pain in this life. But very few things have the ability to inflict the massive trauma and sense of loss and injustice that losing a child to this form of abuse causes.

Through the years I have had hundreds of people from around the world write to me asking how I survived this trauma. It’s not uncommon for parents to contact us that are so despondent that they are considering taking their own life. They usually describe the pain of their own situation, then express appreciation for our site and sharing our story, and then almost always ask me one of two questions. “How did you survive?” or “How can I survive?” Either way, it equates to the same question.

I’ve decided to respond to that question with a series of posts in an effort to help others with the same question. Hopefully, what I share will inspire you with, hope, encouragement and perhaps even a renewed perspective not only to survive but to thrive, regardless of your current circumstances. The first post in this series will be available here on Friday Aug 2, 2013.

The wounds from parental alienation cut especially deep, but the principles I will share can be applied to anything in life.

Have a great day!

Rick

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Sagar December 1, 2015 at 4:10 am

The main link I find between the young peolpe I work with is family breakdown and a distinct lack of male role models. In my work with young offenders I find that a vast majority of them have no contact with their fathers and often no clear idea of who they are. This leads to feelings of abandonment and a lack of self worth. In workshops that we run many of them openly blame their absent fathers for the lack of direction in their lives and admit that the only male role models they have are friends of a similar age. As I work with a number of gang related offenders in North London this is obviously a worrying state of affairs. In my work with failing students I have found that again most of the young men have no father figures; indeed, the boys that i have helped to achieve educational goals are the boys who usually see me as a substitute for their absent fathers. Although I know it crosses the line, I sometimes receive phone calls after work and on the weekends from my young clients to seek advice or just to hear a friendly sensible voice. As a result of my approach, I have rescued 3 young peolpe from the notorious Wood Green Mob (google them if you have not heard of them!) in the last 5 months. All of these boys are younger than 17 and have all realised that they only became involved in gangs because they crave acceptance from senior male figures.I am not proffesing to be a modern day Jesus or a know it all, but I am aware of what affects the young peolpe around me. It breaks my heart to know that after all the time i have invested in my son- willingly as opposed to a sense of duty- that he is being encouraged to follow in the footsteps of the same youth that I work so hard to influence. In the past 4 months my son (who started secondary school i n sept 2010) has spent 30% of his time in referal due to his disruptive behaviour and is behind in 7(!) subjects.When he stays at his mothers house on the weekend he spends his time playing adult themed computer games such as Modern Warfare, GTA and Gears of War.As we currently live in Haringey and I am faced with the results of these factors on a daily basis I am now more fearful of him slipping through the cracks than ever.And what advice from his mothers Social worker? Not to harass her and wait for her to approach me.

2 Felipe December 8, 2015 at 2:11 am

I’ve just lost a long and lengthy csoudty battle with my ex-wife. From the age of 2, my son as been living with me due to the abuse both he and I have been put through by her. I’ve been called a liar by social services, the police and cafcass who have all taken it upon themselves to call me this and say I’ve made up malicious allegations in order to keep my sons csoudty, which destroyed the court case. In the case, I had a psychological evaluation on my ex-wife in 2009 which clearly states she is not fit to look after our son and that it was in his best interests to reside with me. It also recommends she seek professional help which she hasn’t done, even to this day. Instead last friday the magistrates through my evidence out of court calling it nitpicking and awarded csoudty to my ex-wife by saying shes turned her life around but quite clearly is still showing signs of mental problems, attacking people randomly due to her condition and most importantly still abusing our son. My son quite simply cannot bare to spend time with her because of what shes done in the past and to this day. He states that he wishes she was dead and that he doesn’t want to see or speak to her at all. Yet the courts have now forced a situation where a 5 year old boy now has to live with his abuser, completely against his wishes and fears. Please help, I do not have grounds to appeal to the decision and in 4 weeks he will be taken from me and placed into my ex-wife’s care. Any information, advice or support will dearly be appreciated. Thank you for your time in reading this.

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