Parental Alienation

If you’re involved in a child custody case involving parental alienation or parental alienation syndrome this post could be very important to you.

Any attorney that’s been involved in a high conflict divorce involving children will be fully aware of the dynamic of PA even if they’ve never heard of the actual term. Although many judges are reluctant to accept parental alienation as a legal term, every experienced attorney & judge has seen a vicious ex-spouse attempt to destroy the relationship of a targeted parent with their children.

This is where an outside consultant can be very beneficial. They can help to protect you and your children in a variety of ways. To begin with they are usually quite current with case precedence on this topic. They’ve also seen what works best and just as importantly, what is totally ineffective in these types of cases. In addition they can often provide resources that your attorney will need to prove your case in court.

Please remember though that even with the help of a skilled & educated professional there are no guarantees of success in the courtroom. Judges are people. Like everyone else, there are good judges and bad judges. And unfortunately they can do just about anything they want to in their courtroom. Some of you already know exactly what I’m talking about. But that doesn’t negate the fact that you should do everything possible to obtain a favorable outcome for you and your children.

At first glance some of you will look at this as an additional expense. Although that could end up being the case, often times exactly the opposite is true. Many times a skilled consultant is able to uncover the truth much faster than your attorney could by themselves. In those cases it could actually save you a great deal in legal fees because there will be less litigation to prove what is happening and to remedy the situation.

Parental alienation is a horrible form of child abuse. Every effort should be made to prevent it from happening at all. When that’s not possible, it needs to be stopped from progressing to the point that children lose a loving parent. You will need every tool and resource available to help you in this battle with parental alienation. The key is to be proactive instead of reactionary. If you wait until you feel like your losing you’ve probably already lost…

Here is an article from one of the foremost authorities in this field. His name is Joseph Goldberg. Here is his perspective on the value of a consultant in these types of cases:

Parental Alienation and Children Exhibiting Visitation Refusal Behavior 

 

Rick Nischalke
Keeping Families Connected

It is amazing to me that people aren’t content with destroying our lives once, they want to continue to destroy it over and over again. It is a very sick world that we live in. Rick and I have lived with and experience this kind of pain on a daily basis, so I know to a small extent what you are feeling when the pain comes again and again. I have been thinking about writing this post for months.  I know for some of you I have switched to meddling.

I keep asking myself over and over, what do you really need to do to heal from parental alienation.  So many of us are victims of this horrific form of child abuse.  We have been the brunt of lie after lie, many of us have been destroyed financially, and worst of all we have lost our children because of the actions of  a very selfish individual.    We feel so powerless, the situation is totally out of our control and there is nothing we can do about it.  You are absolutely right, the sad reality is that no matter how hard we try we can not change our ex-spouses and we can not stop the abusive behaviour.  But we do have the ability to change some things.  The real question is what can we change?

I know from my own personal experience that as long as I held on to the hurt I gave my ex-husband power in my life.  I desperately wanted to be free from him and I found that freedom through forgiveness.  Forgiveness has helped me so much over the years in dealing with the courts,  my ex-husband, Rick’ ex- wife and all the losses we have experienced.

I have posted a brief exerpt from Neil Anderson’s book Bondage Breakers – chapter 12.  I hope that this helps you the way it has helped me.

Most of the ground that Satan gains in the lives of Christians is due to unforgiveness. We are warned to forgive others so that satan cannot take advantage of us. (2 Cor. 2:10-11). God requires us to forgive others from our hearts or He will turn us over to our tormentors (Mt. 18:34-35). Why is forgiveness so critical to our freedom? Because of the cross. God didn’t give us what we deserve; He gave us what we needed according to his mercy. We are to be merciful just as our heavenly Father is merciful (Lk 6:36). We are to forgive others as we have been forgiven (Eph.4:31-32).

Forgiveness is not forgetting. People who try to forget find they cannot. God says He will “remember no more” our sins (Heb. 10:17), but God, being omniscient, cannot forget. “Remember no more” means that God will never use the past against us (Ps. 103.12). Forgetting may be a result of forgiveness, but it is never the means to forgiveness. When we bring up the past against others, we haven’t forgiven them.

Forgiveness is a choice, a crisis of the will. Since God requires us to forgive, it is something we can do. (He would never require us to do something we cannot do.) But forgiveness is difficult for us because it pulls against our concept of justice. We want revenge for offenses suffered. But we are told never to take our own revenge (Rom.12:19). “Why should I let them off the hook?” we protest. You let them off your hook, but they are never off God’s hook. He will deal with them fairly — something we cannot do.

If you don’t let offenders off your hook, you are hooked to them and the past, and that means continued pain for you. Stop the pain; let it go. You don’t forgive someone merely for their sake; you do it for your sake so you can be free. Your need to forgive isn’t an issue between you and the offender; it is between you and God.

Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil we forgive. Yet you are going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bitterness of unforgiveness or the freedom of forgiveness. That’s how Jesus forgave you — He took the consequences of your sin upon Himself. All true forgiveness is substitutional, because no one really forgives without bearing the penalty of the other person’s sin.

Why then do we forgive? Because Christ forgave us. God the Father “made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Cor.5:21). Where is the justice? The cross makes forgiveness legally and morally right: “For the death that He died, He died to sin, once for all” (Rom.6:10).

How do you forgive from the heart? First you acknowledge the hurt and hate. If you forgiveness doesn’t visit the emotional core of your past, it will be incomplete. This is the great evangelical cover-up. Christians feel the pain of interpersonal offenses, but we don’t acknowledge it. Let God bring the pain to the surface so He can deal with it. This is where healing takes place. Ask God to bring to your mind those you need to forgive as you read the following prayer aloud:

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for the riches of Your kindness, forbearance, and patience, knowing that Your kindness has led me to repentance (Rom. 2:4). I confess that I have not extended the same patience and kindness toward others who have offended me, but instead I have harbored bitterness and resentment. I pray that during this time of self-examination You would bring to mind only those people that I have not forgiven in order that I may do so (Mt. 18:35). I also pray that if I have offended others You would bring to mind only those people from whom I need to seek forgiveness and the extent to which I need to seek it (Mt.5:23-24). I ask this in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.”

“There is no system ever devised by mankind that is guaranteed to rip husband and wife or father, mother and child apart so bitterly then our present Family Court System” – Judge Brian Lindsay Retired Supreme Court Judge

I have been pondering what has been happening in the courts lately.  I am struck by the overall apathy of people until it directly affects their lives.  Apathy is the very thing that destroys a nation.  When we become apathetic we let down our guard and allow the wolves to enter the sheep’s fold.  These wolves are cleverly disguised as sheep but no matter what they look like on the outside they are wolves who seek to devour every thing in site. I know it sounds a little dramatic and a little conspiracy theory but the reality is that we have let the wolves in.

Politically our nation and many other nations around the world are poised on the edge of destruction.  Every major empire in history was brought down by apathy of the people.  When apathy happens, complacency follows and then nations are easily overtaken.  I think back to the not so distant past of the Nazi regime.  When Hitler came to power he spouted ideals and a Utopian society that everyone desperately wanted. They were tired of the status quo and wanted change.  He was a genius of a man and knew that the way to control the nation was to control the families, primarily the children.  Once he had control of the children he could brainwash them into believing whatever he told them. This insane man was able to rally huge parts of the civilized world together to fight for his ideals.   How was he able to do this?  I am personally convinced that he was a very persuasive personality, but more than that he was brilliantly strategic in where he put his focus.  He focused on the youth.

The very thing that happened in Nazi Germany is happening today.  Families are being torn apart by people in positions of power – judges, case workers, attorneys.  The family court system  and our system of  justice have become the new regime.  If you don’t agree with them, if you stand up for your rights, or voice your displeasure in the system you are crushed. As much as I hate to say it the alienators  think that they are in control but really they are just puppets in the hands of power hungry people who want to play God in the lives of the people.  Parental Alienation is one of the tools they use to destroy families and gain control of our children.  It is happening everyday in every civilized country around the globe and the majority of people are sitting back and apathetically letting it happen.

“America’s family courts are causing millions of children undue suffering as a result of rulings which result in one parent, usually the father, being cut out of their children’s lives. These actions against our children are nothing less than child abuse, the results of which we are just now realizing all across this country. Children from fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides, 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions, 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders and 71% of all high school dropouts. These statistics are just a sample of the adverse effects these rulings are having on our society. The impact is both socially and economically devastating. What kind of future will our children face without these issues being successfully addressed?” – World4Justice

Let’s put a stop to the apathy, the insanity and the destruction of our nation through the use of the family.

Father’s Day not a day of celebration for some

June 22, 2010

For many of you Father’s Day was an incredibly sad day.  On a day when you are supposed to be celebrated you were ignored or at worse maligned. It is not a day in which you celebrate fatherhood but one which has become a reminder of injustices in the family court system and the evil […]

Read the full article →

Parental Alienation could it be the cause of Teen Violence?

May 12, 2010

There is a video circulating on Facebook and Youtube that shows a teen boy from Singapore assaulting one of his female classmates.  It is such a disturbing video. What I was struck by is the fact that this is happening at an increasing rate in every country around the globe.  I am convinced that the family courts are contributing […]

Read the full article →

P.A.S about Parental Alienation Syndrome by Tish Cafe

April 27, 2010

Ran across this song dedicated to the children of Parental Alienation by Dave Bound and Mark Jefferis.  Thanks for doing your part to get the word out about this horrible form of child abuse.

Read the full article →

Parental Alienation Awareness Day

April 23, 2010

April 25th is the 5th Annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day. Parental alienation hurts everyone involved – children, parents, and grandparents. We believe it is the ultimate “hate Let’s get the word out this weekend.  Go to the following link for a list of events happening around the globe this weekend: http://www.paawarenessday.com/events.asp. But more than anything do […]

Read the full article →

Parental Alienation – David and Sean Goldman

February 1, 2010

I’ve been thinking a lot about Parental Alienation in light of the David and Sean Goldman story.  Here is a dad that had his child kidnapped and taken to another country by a woman he once loved and trusted.  From what I have read about David  Goldman, he would have done anything for his wife […]

Read the full article →